Kevin & Jason are still in the NICU over at NWH. Kath & I visit them every day, and every day they get a little stronger. The big question is, when can we bring them home? We don't know...it's a day by day wait 'n see type of thingydo.
In the meantime, Kathy's mom Kay is taking remarkable care of Kathy while she heals. Every day Kathy also gets stronger and every day wants the babies to come home even more.
In reality, it's a mixed blessing. Yes, we're anxious to have them home for just the fact that we miss them...but more importantly, it's a sign that they're strong and healthy. The upside of all this is that my beautiful wife has the time to sleep and heal from her ordeal this weekend.
Last night we went at feeding time to see the kids. I changed Jason, fed him, burped him (3 good ones) and held him for an additional half hour. Kathy did the same for Kevin. We've discovered that Kathy has the power to make them fall asleep, while I have the ability to keep them awake and hiccup.
I've also discovered something else. I honestly don't know what I was expecting when I became a father. You know...how it would feel. Yes, I would feel anxious, tired, elated...all the stuff you read about. But what I mean is: what does it feel like when I, Joe, would be a father. The answer somewhat surprised me.
You hear about the bond you feel with your own children, but it's really impossible to describe the sensation. The words have just not been invented to describe that bond, that...base emotion...that you feel. It's different than feeling love. More primal. Almost like you're holding a part of your self, except you would be totally ready to die for that part without hesistation. It's like pure love, joy, elation, fear, protectiveness, and thousands of years of propogating the human race all stuck in a blender, pureed and injected into your heart.
In other words, it feels f***ing astounding and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Hey, with base emotions comes base language...don't blame me.
